It is natural for people to want to please others. However, people-pleasing behaviours can become overwhelming as the desire to fulfill the needs and desires of others takes precedence over your own. It can have a negative impact on your mental and physical health. So, today, we want to offer some tips to help stop people-pleasing.
What is People-Pleasing?
People-pleasing isn’t a medical diagnosis. Rather, it is a term used to describe an individual who is constantly seeking to please others, often to the detriment of their own well-being. While many people naturally wish to feel valued and loved, and want to help others, pleasing people is different in the sense that it is challenging to stop this pattern. In some cases, individuals might hide or ignore how they truly feel, simply to satisfy others.
Some common signs can include the following:
- Difficulty saying no
- Regularly taking on extra work, even if they do not have the time
- Overcommitting to plans, responsibilities, or projects
- Not advocating for their own needs
- Avoiding disagreeing with people or voicing their honest opinion
- Going along with things they are not happy about to avoid conflict
While overcoming this behaviour can be challenging, and will take time, it is possible to find ways to mitigate people-pleasing and begin advocating for yourself.
Tips to Help
Seek Awareness
It is important to recognize the patterns of your behaviour so that you can learn what your triggers are and how you respond to certain situations. Take note of when you say yes to things and recognize why you are agreeing to something. For example, is the task or event something you want to do, and know you will enjoy? Or are you agreeing to it because you don’t want to upset someone or are worried about what others will think if you don’t agree?
Note the feelings and reasons behind your behaviour. Are you afraid of rejection, guilt, conflict or anger? You shouldn’t feel like you need to be aggressive or mean. Rather, express how you feel and be sure to acknowledge and communicate your feelings.
Establish Boundaries
Understand and create healthy boundaries for yourself to follow. Recognize what you are, and aren’t comfortable with, and honour them. If you are someone who has always said “yes” to everything, it’s important to start practicing how to say “no” to others. Start small and use it in situations and with people you are comfortable with. We know that it will be challenging at first, but the more often you do it, the easier it becomes.
It’s also important to remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation for saying “no”. Keep it simple with statements like, “I can’t do that right now,” or “I am not able to attend that evening”. People who love and care about you will honour your feelings and shouldn’t make you feel guilty or ashamed about speaking up for yourself.
Seek Support
While you may be able to face these behaviour patterns on your own, you might require the help of others. Whether it be a therapist or a supportive friend, it’s vital to find help navigating these challenges. Depending on your situation, you might need support in dealing with guilt or anxiety that often results in people pleasing.
Additionally, seeking help is also a form of self-care, and a way to prioritize your needs. It’s important to make time for yourself and commit to your well-being. In talking to others, you make yourself a priority and make strides toward stopping sacrificing your own needs for the sake of others.
Taking proactive steps to stop people-pleasing isn’t selfish; it’s about achieving balance. You can prioritize your own well-being while still caring for others. In fact, finding this healthy balance will likely leave you feeling much better.
